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Shaquille O?Neal Claims He Nixed Portland Trade

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 15:00:13 -0500

Shaquille O’Neal, the Big General Manager, couldn’t resist letting everyone know that he is still master of his destiny and in control of all that he surveys after his trade to Cleveland left him without comment on his own vociferous Twitter account this week for nearly 24 hours.(The Big Envoy)Therefore, Shaq let slip that Phoenix [...]

Brandon Jennings & the N?- in His Neighborhood

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 14:00:29 -0500

Brandon Jennings has not been shy about blazing his own way. After starting at Compton Dominguez High School (which has its own problems recently), he transferred to basketball powerhouse Oak Hill Academy for graduation. He took the Tim Floyd college path, signing up with USC and then Arizona for college before failing the entrance exam [...]

Coach of Chandler, Prince Accused of Molestation

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:00:30 -0500

Russell Otis, the high school coach of Tyson Chandler and Tayshaun Prince, has been accused of trying to get one of his players to commit a sex act on him and attempting to steal $15,000 of Nike sponsorship money. He will now stand trial for these alleged acts next month.Otis has already been acquitted once [...]

Kendra and Hank Tie the Knot at Playboy Mansion

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 12:00:53 -0500

“You know gossip Web sites… bunch of bitchy little girls.” Or so we imagine Sam Axe saying to sites like MEDIA TAKE OUT when their little pixilated claws came out after the charming young men’s magazine model Kendra Wilkinson enjoined with known athlete Hank Baskett in a charming li’l marriage ceremony yesterday at the Playboy [...]

Michael Jackson?s Death Sends Beckham Away?

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 11:00:33 -0500

Michael Jackson’s death has reverberated across the world, having untold and unexpected effects across the nation. For example, his death might be the best child support he could have ever offered as the children will “earn a tremendous amount of money over the next 12 to 18 months given the outpouring (of support through album [...]

There Is No God

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:39:03 -0500

Because He would have intervened.(via FSD, messenger of broken dreams)

Fmr Yankees Reliever Admits Alcoholism Problem

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 14:00:09 -0500

Mariano Rivera has given his life to Christ, even marking his glove with Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who is strengthening me.” In that spirit, he approached fellow (then-)Yankee reliever Scott Proctor and urged him to clean up his act. It took a few years, but Proctor (now out for the [...]

Robbed Egyptian Team Cleaned Out by Hookers?

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 13:00:05 -0500

When the Egyptian soccer team lost $2,400 dollars from a few players’ rooms in South Africa a couple days ago, the head of Egypt’s delegation was unusually quick to lay the blame on the players themselves and not on the host country of the Confederations Cup: There was some negligence on the players part, leaving [...]

Drunken Moped Driving Not Really a Major at Iowa

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:00:55 -0500

Last August, SPORTSbyBROOKS pointed out all the Iowa Hawkeyes football team arrests since 2007, foolishly thinking that being charged with 22 crimes couldn’t possibly be bested. However, that was incredibly foolish as Iowa’s now up to 26 different Hawkeyes being arrested or ticketed since April ‘07, some with multiple offenses (including coach Kirk Ferentz’s son).(The [...]

Favorite Club at US Open Might Be Canadian Club

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 11:00:52 -0500

Some people will tell you that they’re just fine consuming their office workers right from the cubicle, where they’ve been sitting still for years and letting their muscle tone waste away while dumping any ol’ crap from the vending machine in their feeding drawers. However, the conscientious person with a taste for fine corporate drone [...]

John Daly Has Trouble Fitting into Tunnels, Pants

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 19:00:12 -0500

John Daly has size issues, it’s true. Considering his chosen profession, it’s not the worst sin to commit (as he’s explored most of those as well), but it can be a hindrance from time to time. However, no one quite expected Daly’s desire to expand would affect him negatively quite like this:Daly couldn’t squeeze his [...]

First Place ? Still?

Mon, 18 May 2009 19:26:14 -0500

What a wild freaking week that was.The Metrodome was every bit the house of horrors that we feared it would be. At least the Tigers were in position to win that series, it’s just that the Tigers bullpen decided to take a few minutes to be the Tigers bullpen. D-Train made his less-than-triumphant return, but [...]

Paul Schrieber, Previously Lost, Is Now Found

Thu, 14 May 2009 14:12:40 -0500

The man you see here to the right is Mr. Paul Schrieber. Family man. Lover. Sinner. Doer of things he should have done a long time ago. And a one-time transgressor of Notinaslump Ordoez.After calling out Tilde on strikes in the seventh inning, Mr. Schrieber forgot the cardinal rule: Touch Tilde Unlesseth Commanded To Touch. [...]

State of The Tilde ? Oh, Hi There. It?s Been A Little While

Sun, 10 May 2009 20:46:34 -0500

So, things are generally going well right now, no?When we last spoke, right before the Yankees series, things were looking up as well. Then a couple of unspeakable seventh innings occured and things looked meh once again. However, over the last ten games, the Tigers are 6-4 and are currently sitting in first place at [...]

ENEMIES OF THE BIG TILDE ? The New York Yankees

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 09:00:43 -0500

After Bud Selig sent them to wander the West Coast and the Heartland for 10 days, the Tigers are returning home at long last today. And, for the next three days, the newest entrant in the Remove The Tigers From First So ESPN Can Make Stupid Trade Rumors Regarding Big And Mig Sweepstakes is….THE NEW [...]

TILDE WATCH: Alone Again (In First), Naturally

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:06:56 -0500

How ya feeling about these guys right about now?Pretty good, right? The Tigers just went 5-4 on a 9 game road trip and played well enough to win at least a couple more of them as well. Best of all, the Fightin’ Tildes are now in possession of a one game lead in the AL [...]

Rumors Of Our Own Death Are Wildly Exaggerated

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 22:16:03 -0500

The inevitable fire sale has been going on for quite some time, and the centerpiece of all that has been His Tildeness. He was supposed to be traded, like, eight times to seven different teams in the last year, if you believe everything you hear. And if you’re that gullible, when are you going to [...]

Something To Believe In

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:12:21 -0500

Tonight, in Lakeland, one of our favorite baseball players ever (non-Tilde’d edition) took another shot at redeeming his career.This was Dontrelle’s line:7 IP 8 H 2 ER 2 K 0 BBNo, it’s not overly impressive, considering he was facing Class A hitters and we need Dontrelle to baffle MLB hitters. But there is a lot [...]

Motown Tilde?s Back Again

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:56:50 -0500

Doin’ a little West Coast swing…Sorry to disappear on you for a few days, but real life has been kinda busy. Anyway, while I was out, the Tigers up and decided to take 2 out of 3 in Seattle to improve to 7-5 and remain in a tie for first place in the AL Central. [...]

He Don?t Need No Stinkin? BP

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:38:16 -0500

Unlike Allen Q. “Chuckles” Iverson, Magglio Ordoez is above such mortal feats of redundancy. But he humors the populous by partaking in it anyway. Jason Beck, the prophet to His Tildeness, is there with a stylus of pure ivory. (And a skosh of ink.)“It’s very interesting, from an untrained eye, to look at him and [...]